Just le me die, you know?

First off, before I tell my sad tale of woe, I want to tell you that I have TWO giveaways going on at my other blog: http://simplyscrapstampsing.blogspot.com. I also have a link there to a bloggy carnival where there are literally THOUSANDS of giveaways for just this week! It is so much fun but also very time consuming.

Anyway, this is a story I will only tell on my personal blog that friends and family read because it is kind of embarrassing. For the past....well....month, really, I've been feeling a bit under the weather. Just had this cold that wouldn't really come to a head. I thought maybe allergies or something. Anyway, my kids have been getting fevers and coughs and runny noses off and on as well so all together it's been a hard month. And the fact that I teach preschool and lessons out of my home has made it harder in the way that I have to keep canceling or rescheduling because of sick kids. I absolutely cannot stand letting people down but at the same time don't want to get their kids sick or my kids more sick so it's kind of a lose lose situation for everyone. I pretty much can't sleep because of feeling guilty about this. I feel guilty if I have school when my kids are sick or if I don't and then let those kids and parents down. I sure wish I could come up with a solution to this and if anyone thinks of one let me know. But I'm getting off topic here.

Saturday I wasn't feeling great and just generally run down but I was okay and then Sunday morning I woke up with everything in my head swollen and my throat hurting. I felt like I couldn't even fit a piece of cooked spaghetti down my throat. But it was the primary program and not only is that the one Sunday I look forward to all year they had also asked our little family to sing one song as part of it. I honestly still don't know how I got through it. Later when people said how good it sounded I really had to try not to laugh. Oh well, hopefully the spirit helped give the message and I know the boys sounded good. And the primary program was wonderful.

I went home during the second hour because I realized I was getting a fever and starting to ache and shiver all over. I went to bed and didn't wake up until Eldon and the boys finally came home around 3. (Church gets out at 2) I guess Eldon had an interesting time trying to do his stake calling and go to choir while keeping track of all four boys. He lost Andrew for a while until someone found him on the street about halfway home and brought him back to the church. Thank goodness we live in a small trustworthy town. (although I think we need to work on teaching him about the dangers of this) You know I wasn't feeling good to leave all that with Eldon! I was so out of it it didn't even really occur to me.

After they came home I went back to sleep. A little later I guess Eldon came in and told me he was going to stake choir practice but later I really couldn't recall this. I came to at about 4:30-ish (if you can even call it coming to because everything was blurry and spinning), and tried to get out of bed. I honestly cannot recollect a time when I was as sick as I was on Sunday. Even delivering a baby I was at least semi-coherent and either had control over my body or knew why I didn't have control over my body. I heard Ethan, Andrew and at least one baby down in the family room making noise about something so I needed to get to them and I needed to get to the bathroom. But I could not get up.

My body would not do what I told it to. So I basically fell to the floor and crawled out into the hallway. In the hallway I tried to stand up so I could get in to the bathroom but then next thing I knew I was hanging half off the top of the stairs. I could still hear Ethan so I half called half sobbed his name a few times, trying to be as loud as I could and he came and brought me a bowl which I proceeded to use in a none too lovely fashion. Ethan then helped me move away from the stairs into the hallway. During this Isaac had come up and he was crying for me and crawling all over me trying to be held but I honestly could not even hold him. The most I could do was just sort of rub his head. But that was not enough for him. I finally told Ethan to take Isaac over to our neighbors house because I knew that I couldn't help him in the state I was in, which he did. Thank goodness for good neighbors!!

I lay there shaking uncontrollably and crying for who knows how long until Eldon came home. I was shaking because I was cold but at the same time I was sweaty and clammy. And every single part of my body hurt, from the tips of my hair to my toenails. I really don't even know how to describe it. To only be kind of half aware of what's going on around you and to have no control whatsoever over your body. I honestly can say that when I lay there in that hallway I just wanted to die so the pain would stop. I remember as I lay there I was thinking about people who are tortured or severely hurt with a bullet or a knife or burnt all over their body and knowing that there was no way I could ever tolerate pain like that. I was trying to tell myself this isn't so bad, think of how much worse it could be, it can't last forever, just get through this moment, then this moment...... but honestly at the time I felt like it would never end.

When Eldon came I expected him to realize how sick I was but he was more like, are you okay? what are you doing in the hallway? I couldn't even talk! He did figure it out and I was able to kind of half nod while shaking and sobbing when he asked me if I wanted a blessing. He helped me get downstairs and on the recliner. (which for anyone who knows my Grandma M,. we moved even slower than she does. I don't mean that in a mean way, just trying to describe how slow I was) He brought Isaac back over along with our neighbor and they gave me a blessing. I can't say that it all went away at that moment but it did ease up enough that I didn't want to die anymore. And then I was able to keep down medicine and take my temperature. And...."I've got a fever of a hundred and three!" (doo doo) Okay, not really but almost. It was something like 102.6. But remember, that wasn't even the peak.

I started feeling a tiny bit better and could at least move but my sore throat got worse and my cold got worse so Eldon stayed home and took me to the doctor on Monday. She verified that I had strep throat and a fever (although by then a measly 99 point something), gave me a shot you know where, and then told me to stay away from people as much as I could for 2-3 days. Which once again meant cancelling preschool. :(

Okay, so now that I've written a novel here of my sad tale that probably nobody wants to hear about, I want to tell you about the ray of light on my dark dark night. And that is my sweet, darling little Ethan. In Sunday School that day Ethan had learned about service. Not just any service but secret, selfless service. (which he informed me means when you do nice things without being asked). So when he came home from church that day he emptied the dishwasher, put a load of laundry from the washer into the dryer(and started it!), took out the trash and set the table, all without being asked! (And here I was completely out of it during this modern day miracle!) And then being asked he willingly got me a barf bowl (as he calls it), helped me move around, took Isaac over to the neighbors and then came back and fawned over me, bringing me a blanket, feeling my forehead for a fever and just generally being stinkin adorable. I'm going to cry again just thinking about it, seriously.

So the moral of my story is this. I hate being sick but I would do that again, a million times, over and over again, just to keep my sweet family safe, healthy and happy. I am so incredibly, undeniably, insanely blessed. And I love you! Yes, YOU! If you are reading this (and especially if you made it this far) I love you!

Of course, I love everyone else too, and lots of people that don't even read blogs, and some animals that can't read at all, oh, and lots of children that can't read yet, and the stars in the sky, and the leaves on the trees, and the fish in the sea, and my friends both near and far, and ............

you get the idea. Good night.